Digital Design and Depression
May 7th, 2009 Posted in blogging, design, paint shop pro | 2 comments »I was catching up on my Entrecard housekeeping yesterday and the blog Oh Fer Cryin’ Out Loud dropped on me. As it appeared to be a new drop I checked out the blog and I came to this powerful poem on depression . I don’t think I have mentioned it here, but I suffer from chronic depression and myofascial pain syndrome so when I read this poem I had to blink back tears because I wish that I had someone in my corner to understand what depression looks like from my eyes in my life. Depression is a real illness, one that you just don’t “snap out of”. I really wish that people could get this. There are neurotransmitters in the brain that are damaged in a depressed person. Once those connections are gone they are gone and you can’t rebuild them which is why there are people on depression meds such as Zoloft-which is what I am on. This particular medicine regenerates serotonin levels in the brain that have been depleted in light of the damage done to the natural serotonin levels.
Yeah ok I hear the finger moving to the click off this page because this isn’t related to the purpose of the blog, but it really is because I have found solace in digital design. When I don’t feel like talking to anyone I open up my paint shop pro and I just zone out in making stuff and looking for things online to create with. I am passionate about Paint Shop Pro because it has given me a purpose in life that before I bought the program I didn’t really have. In becoming a person of authority in my niche I have created a way for myself to rise out of the ashes of my depression and give myself a meaning to my life.
Now without further adieu here is the poem.
You Have To Be His Brother To Understand
What is it like to feel anger, broken-heartedness, and love at the same time?
You have to be his brother to understand.
What is it like to watch your brother constantly hurt your mom,
And feel no remorse,
Because he hardly understands what he’s doing at the time?
what is it like to have to sit there, and remain silent,
All while you witness both people suffering?
You have to be his brother to understand.
What is it like to see someone close to you,
Having already flown as high as they can get
Or so it seems?
Professionals say he can’t go any further,
But you pray to God he can.
You have to be his brother to understand.
What is it like to witness someone you love,
Hurt to the point of tears because he feels he can’t make it?
What is it like to feel so much pain your body, heart, and mind,
Can hardly take it because you see your own brother’s life in shambles?
What is it like to hear people call your brother stupid?
You have to be his brother to understand.
What is it like to be the privileged brother,
Yet you watch his life spiral downward,
All as teachers have given up on him,
Saying he won’t amount to anything in this world,
Because he has trouble reading?
You have to be his brother to understand.
What is it like to have many true friends,
But your brother has next to none,
So he feels alone, even though you share yours,
But he knows that, he knows they’re yours,
It kills you because it’s killing him?
You have to be his brother to understand.
What is it like to love your brother,
With such a sense of protecting him because of his delicacy,
That your friends call you wrong because, you get angered at the
Slightest thing anyone says about your brother, at the times when
People laugh at him, you want to punch people’s lights out?
You have to be his brother to understand.
What is it like to see him depressed as he’s cycling through meds,
And most psychiatrists can’t help him because
they refuse to push aside their pride,
and so you watch him suffer because of their idiotic mistakes,
and it makes you so sad to see this situation unfold before your eyes?
You have to be his brother to understand.
What is it like to have the desire to tell him he’ll be o.k.,
He’ll make it no matter what anyone tells him,
He’ll spread his wings and fly much higher than anyone ever anticipated,
He’s always loved and prayed for by many people,
Yet you can’t muster up the courage to tell him because you’re afraid he’ll reject this statement of love?
You have to be his brother to understand.
What is it like to feel anger, broken-heartedness, and love at the same time?
You have to be his brother to understand.
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